Back to the Basics

I have been a volunteer leader at Falls Church High School for the past three and a half years. In that time I have met girls that were freshman in high school when I was a freshman in college. Now we are both seniors. There have been many sweet moments of real life that I have been able to be a part of in these girls lives. This year I have watched them walk across fields and courts for their senior nights. Time has gone by so quickly and these girls have grown and I have grown and our friendships have grown.

I had so many expectations this year about the dynamics of my friendships with my high school friends. All volunteer leaders want to be rock stars and help change lives and be there for significant moments in their friends lives. This year that has been harder for me. I am not there as much as I want to be. So in the moments when I am able to sit with one of my high school friends, I feel a lot of pressure to make those moments powerful and impactful. I put pressure on myself to continually reach out and overdose on my presence at the school or via text, tweet, insta's, etc. And it has not gone so well.

Over and over again I try to be Jesus to these friends. I try to love them like Jesus loves them. But I fail. Because I am not Jesus. Jesus is Jesus. "I am I am." And my high school friends don't need me to be Jesus, they need Jesus.

I worry and stress over whether or not I am loving enough for my high school friends to feel they can be open with me. I worry and stress whether or not I am letting them know that I care enough. I worry and stress over whether or not my high school friends feel like I have forgotten them. I worry and stress that the precious time I have with them, I am wasting.

I pray that they will forgive me for not being Jesus.

So it's time to go back to the basics. This semester, and this past week specifically, I have realized that I need to go back to the beginning. The beginning of creation - what was my life originally created to be? and the beginning of my friendships with these girls. I do not have overwhelming wisdom to give. I can not fix lives.

But I can be a friend.

Last night, I went to go hang out at a place where two of these high school friends work. When they closed, we stacked chairs. Then we ate gelatto. This was such a sweet interaction because I had no agenda. Because I didn't try to make my interactions this huge deal. Because I went back to the basics. Hanging out with these two, I realized, these high school friends are actually my friends and I am their friend. It was so simple and so sweet. So casual.

There is no formula for being a leader. There is no handbook on how to make deep meaningful friendships (there probably is) but the fact remains that these friendships are natural and different from person to person. Sometimes just hanging out and eating gelatto is as sweet as holding a friend when they are crying.

I am thankful that this is a time when I am re-learning what friendship is. I am thankful that my high school friends are teaching me. And I am thankful that "We know what real love is because Jesus gave up His life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters." 1 John 3:16